A bad dream

Anyone else in the Pepsi AFL Nightmare Team competition?


In this comp, you try to trade in the expensive-but-worth-it Bowden but get the just-as-expensive-but-far-crappier-and-not-even-selected-this-week Bowden instead. You use your second trade on Nathan Ablett, thinking "if I fuck up and get the wrong brother again, at least Gary Jnr can pull his weight". You do fuck up, but not by picking Gary Jnr. Instead, you wind up with their dad, Gary Snr - the prodigious footballer who would have been a guaranteed 100-points-a-week scorer in his day, but is worth jack to your team now he's hung up the boots.


It really starts to go pear-shaped when, just after the Friday deadline closes, Kevin Sheedy and Leigh Matthews reveal to reporters that three of your star players will "definitely" miss the Essendon-Brisbane clash on the Sunday. A strange twist of good fortune, however, sees all three of your emergencies play rip-snorters on Saturday.

• Your centre emergency had 43 touches. And not a Sam Mitchell 43 either; most of them were kicks. Jess's online calculator says he's worth about 150 DT points.
• Your emergency in the backline takes 27 marks and lays 14 tackles before being moved forward in the final term. He kicks three late majors and is looking good for about 160 DT points.
• Up forward, your emergency kicks 12 goals. He could have had 15 easy but sprayed a couple right in front. No matter, you'll take the 140 DT points he's racked up.

Or you would have, but the three players who were supposed certainties to sit out the Essendon-Brisbane game all play. And really badly, as it turns out. They combine for a meager 17 points and, more importantly, keep your emergencies ensconced on the bench. You get hold off both coaches' numbers and abuse them over the phone. "You're a lying bee-atch," you screech. It makes you feel a little bit better but your DT score still sucks ass.

At least my captain will come through, you say, having picked the ever-reliable Chris Judd to lead the team. But he gets pinged for holding the ball seven times early in the first quarter and then breaks his leg in three places. Obviously, he plays no further part in the match and his score of -21 for all those frees against is doubled. That really hurts.


In the final game of the round, the knife is twisted when two dogs have their day - Simon Prestigiacomo and Darryl Wakelin each amass over 160 points. They, of course, were the two players you dumped at the start of the round for crappy Bowden and God, and the captains of every other team in your league.


Got your own Pepsi AFL Nightmare Team story? Post it in the comments below.



Chook