Warne Dawgs go straight to the source

We all know how serious this Dream Team business can be. Unhappy with recent performances from his side, Warne Dawgs coach Bobby Child has posted the following letter to all 30 AFL players on his roster. This is not some dumb gag. He actually sent this letter to the players, I shit you not. (PS - if the letter has an impact on his side's DT ranking, I'm getting on the blower to Heath Shaw).

Dear “Warne Dawgs” Dream Team players,

As your Dream Team Coach, I am writing to share with you my disappointment on our season thus far. We are currently sitting in 15th place on the “Outram Street” ladder with our god awful record 1 win, 5 losses. The supporter base was expecting a lot more this season, especially after a positive preseason.

I know early on, we had some devastating losses. First week, we played against destROY, and lost by 24 points – it was a shame we had the 2nd highest score of the competition… but, defenders, please don’t rest on your laurels. We are the 5th worst team defensively… We are scoring enough to come away with wins (bar the last couple of weeks where we had shocking scores of 1621 and 1712) but we are getting too much scored on us. Unlucky I know, so lets up our own individual scores.

Consistency is what I expect from everyone. You are priced at certain values for a reason… you were drafted into the Warne Dawgs because you have roles to fill. That is scoring what your price warrants. Thanks Jed Adcock, Adam Hunter, Alan Toovey, David Rodan, Joel Selwood, Bryce Gibbs, Gary Ablett Jr, Lance Franklin, Alwyn Davey, Xavier Ellis, Shannon Hurn, Lindsay Thomas, Mark Blake, Ben Hudson, Cleve Hughes and Nathan Krakouer for doing your part, going up in value… But don’t rest at this boys… Just learn from Jared Brennan’s mistakes… you know – he was climbing in value, a great pick up by the Warne Dawgs at the start of the season but as coach, I had to sit him on the pine, to have a good hard look at himself, and what does he go and do, gets dropped from the Brisbane team!

Now we all love Sheeds and his insightful comments on the game, but I don’t agree with him about his stance on late withdrawals/injuries. We need to know this (and its not for gambling as Sheeds says), if you are injured, let me know – I wont leak it to the media, etc.. As your coach, I must know these things… I don’t want to be running out there with 21 players because some boofhead rolled their ankle at training and didn’t tell anyone! Thanks Brad Johnson this week – much doubt about whether you would play or not, but you pulled though and got us 97 points.. Well done! I was pumped last week, after having you captain, and looking dodgy at ¾ time, you got enough cheap kicks towards the end to notch up a respectable captains score. Thanks Chad Cornes (captain this week) for pulling through also – my faith is always there with you my man! Put that crap Sydney game behind you…

This also goes for being smart on the ground… with our list of 30, we cant afford injury or suspension! Chris Judd – give yourself an uppercut… You are in the best DT form ever – reliable, and doing all the things I expect… You are a ‘gimmie’ captain when I want, but Juddernaut, that was silly! You are better than that – you still got us 100 points, after starting the game with -3 from that holding the ball against you… So mate, this suspension will hurt… Your mate Shannon Hurn will probably come in, and will definitely need to step up! Make me proud Hurn Dawg!

I would like to bring up the discipline in the team. This week was one of our worst for free kicks against. Don’t work hard and get a kick if you are just going to give it up easily with a free kick against. Is there a culture at Hawthorn? Sam Mitchell and Lance Franklin had shockers on the weekend – Buddy, you have had 17 frees against for the year! That is -51 just from being stupid! Come on Buddy (“My Boy” as my mate Chop calls you – who is the only guy we have beaten in DT this year) you are better than that… a potential Brownlow winner according to Chop, I say Brown-no!

Just some words of advice… we will call them team rules:
- Kick, don’t handball (kicks worth 3pts, handballs worth 2pts)
- Lay tackles… these are worth 4pts, and hey, you might get a free for
- Lead and mark (please hold these – eg. Buddy…)... easy 3pts
- Lindsay Gilbee (or anyone else) – when taking kick outs, kick it to yourself, then it actually counts as a kick in the stats
- Have a look who are on the Warne Dawgs, kick it to them… not anyone else, your first option should be team mates. When it comes to ‘junk time’, get near each other… rack up a few points together. If they are playing on the opposition, let them tackle you (but get a kick away)
- Don't spoil the ball, smother or shepard, although these are all good 1%ers, they get you zero points and therefore, waste of time and effort (and possible injury).
- Don’t bounce the ball! Draw a player and handball around them, then pick up and kick. One of the few time a handball is a good decision.

If we can live up to my expectations of you, then we can finish with 2130pts per round which is even competitive enough to get us the $1000 bonus for the week! The following are expectations from me based on your price and ability:

- 100pt players (get me 100pts and I’m happy…. 80-99pts, I’ll take that, but less than 80pts, not doing your job boys): McPhee, McLeod, Judd, Thompson, Mitchell, Cox, Johnson, Cornes, Ablett, Pavlich, Brown.
- 90pt players (90pts is what I want, 70-89pts good, less than 70pts.. grrr): Gilbee, Adcock, Wirrpanda, Hunter, Sandilands, Franklin.
- 80pt players (80pts will be great, 60-79pts ok, less than 60pts.. hmm.. tackle more): Rodan, Selwood, Gibbs, Davey, Hurn, Hudson, Blake.
- 70pt players (70pts yeah baby, 50-69pts is alright… less than 50pts tho, scab some cheap kicks): Toovey, Brennan, Ellis, Thomas, Krakouer, Hughes.

I don’t like to be public with trade talk, but sorry… people have to be accountable for the side’s bad form. On the chopping block are: Buddy Franklin, Sammy Mitchell, David Wirrpanda, Big Sandilands, Jared Brennan and Herschelle Gibbs. You have 2 weeks… you’re on notice!!

We need 8 wins out of the next 9 games. If you have any advice on the team, please let me know, as you are all in the Warne Dawgs leadership group.

Alright, not much more for me to say than… as Nollsy once sang “you gotta lift”… We are all capable players, a great group of blokes… Train hard this week, have those DT points in your sights, and lets get the Warne Dawgs on the winners list! Go Dawgs!